filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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