you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
