Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
