The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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