dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How naked do you want me to be?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
