I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
