did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
