I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
