he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
