please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
