Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
