Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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