I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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