idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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