Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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