That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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