I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
