i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
