I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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