this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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