I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
