I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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