I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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