hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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