Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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