I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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