I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
