oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
