i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
