tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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