I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
