what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
