I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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