I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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