you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
