I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
