love makes seman taste better
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
