My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
