Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
