& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
