I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
