I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
