I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
