idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
