The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
