Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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