I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
