I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
