They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
