Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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